More than a million of unfinished drafts reside in my account telling stories of a person barren of creativity. There was a time when the only way for me to drain out the excessive energy from my body was either to jump on beds or to comfort myself in front of my desktop and make random posts. With the kind of increment in numbers that the weighing machine shows when I stand on it, jumping on bed would be like dolly bindra asking for a bikini to wear. Well, thats exaggerated.
I wish I hadnt grown up into an uninspired stereotypically lame CA article. And that I had not given up, killed and buried my first blog out of frustration so that I could just dig out and relive the school days in the monotone of the office life. Its never too late for a start is what I remind myself each time I stare at the blank ‘New Post’ page but the moment the fingers hit the keys, my brain absorbs the emptiness of the screen with no ideas to share.
So am 21 and a day old today. More than a month ago, I had kissed my college goodbye and embarked on this journey called Articleship. From friends and like minded people, I have come to know that the Articleship tenure is explicated as the most testing phase of a CA student’s life. I consider myself incompetent to comment on that with just a month into my training and a lot of mixed emotions about it but yes,there have been days when I have woken up with doubts about my choice of career, trying to gather courage to tell mom that marrying a super rich guy to make me travel around the world won’t be that bad an idea than to slog my ass off at office for all the years to come. And then a reminiscence of papa ke paise par aish wala super cool dude in unbuttoned shirts showing off an ugly unshaven chest and metal chains clouds my thoughts and I decide I cannot give up CA to marry him. Never.
Its not like I have not enjoyed at all but I miss the college life for all the leisure I had. I cherish those moments of nothingness and crave for them as long as the ‘super cool dude’ doesn’t haunt my thoughts again. But then, I have had people telling me that I would tend to like it more than college one day. The wait for that day has already started.
Apart from office, there isn’t any development in my life. Just that the persistent illness has turned me into a person who prefers mummy ke haath ka khana over the delicious mouth watering butter laden food they offer at audits. Yes, mom loves it and I am hopeful that it might help me shed a few kilos too.
Another reality I have confronted is how I am not the king of the world. To be a CA student always gave you an edge over others at college even if they were more intellectual than you. You always knew everything, they were just quick to grasp but to be amidst people from the same fraternity paves way for ineludable comparisons which end with you feeling dumb most of the times.
So, this is all for now. I am looking forward to brighter days. Days that would leave me content with my decision. The decision to not to aim to be a doctor but a CA. Its taking a little longer than I had thought it would for the realization to engulf me but I am more than hopeful that I would, someday, get to live the life I had always wanted to.
Signing off with a promise to be back soon this time. 🙂