Listen to me!

Not like people dont, I mean I make them do even if they dont feel like, I just want to talk out loud. As in, give me something to say, I want to blabber and I want you to listen to me. Whatever it is. It is, perhaps, some extra load of energy piled up inside of me that makes me want to go on talking and talking.

And there are times in between when I stop, think over any ‘oopsie’ I made that needs to be apologized for but never does it quite escape out of my mouth and the ramblings of an over-excited hyper-dyper self-proclaimed kid goes on. Wait, dyper is a word? diaper is! and at 21, do I need a self proclamation to be called a kid?!? I, very much, am one.

So, the thing is in the air. The need to release myself of words that just  gather there inside of me   every minute or two and make me want to shoot it all out. I don’t care who is listening.

Is it some disorder?

Okay, the relationship. He needs to be called something. I cant quite keep referring to him as him or he or his or whatever. Kay, he shall henceforth be called. Strange enough, this guy Kay has of late been giving me all the good reasons as to why my break up with The Bear was all that I needed to save myself from the emotional clutches that I had become so accustomed to that I never even realized it until the day I developed a silly crush over my dentist and the realization that the need of the hour was just to move away from The Bear dawned upon me like a blessing. And, I never had anything except for a crush on that dentist. Stopped liking him altogether after my sessions with him ended.

So, as I just mentioned, Kay is like a breath of fresh air in my life. He makes me feel good about myself. He makes me feel wanted and important. I had completely forgotten what all of it ever felt like. Now that its there, I want to seize the moment forever. To live it each and every day, every second.

Its so much like those childish fairy tale dreams coming alive. Of course you have work, studies,  and pressure in reality but there times we just saunter around empty unfamiliar streets around the city, sometimes in cold winter evenings relishing upon an ice cream in hand and stealthily sneaking out of the office to avoid any unwanted company. Bliss

And this what I am singing all the time these days..

I mean, I know I am just being too silly but I want to live it up. I wont mind laughing at myself a couple of years later when I read this!

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Weekend Rants

Everytime I sit, I almost feel pregnant as my belly protrudes out as if trying to make space for itself, crunched between my legs and those things up there. If I dont do anything about it now, I am sure that it would certainly win the fight for space, making the fictional monster there inside appear to have grown in all directions. I should rather prepare myself with answers as to how you can be impregnated by burgers and aloo chats and cheese and coke if I dont want to face societal banishment.
As is clear from my banter, I am not only fighting my food cravings but also the cranky mood that my swollen belly puts me through each time I realise the existence of extra flesh in all the wrong places.
With each day that passes by, the time for New Year draws closer and the realization that Losing Weight would be a part of my New Year Resolution for yet another time makes me want to refrain from jotting down any resolutions for the forthcoming year. Only if that was easy! I know if I skip that part, the year would not feel to have begun well without all the customary year end ponderings over the past year. I really need to chalk out how I can make my life a little better, any lack of implementation of the thoughtful resolutions is a different issue altogether. To make a fresh start, its very much required of me to at least unclog my mind of all the shit that I might have accumulated over the year. The resolution making session allows me to make choices with regard to what I want to carry forward to the next year and what I would love to just dump behind.
Since not making resolutions is out of question for now, I can still decide to monitor the content of it. I can, of course, skip to mention at all about any weight loss programs. But somehow, that just doesn’t feel right. It’s more like cheating yourself with a resolution list boasting of fancy plans but not indicating my failure at implementing last year’s program. And anyway, that would defeat the very purpose of resolving if previous failures are not even acknowledged.
Moreover, not resolving to lose weight would only invite more of problems for me. I am tired of wanting to look better. To do something better with myself. And now that I am one of the office-goers, I can not overlook the importance of fitness in one’s professional and personal life.
I guess I had meant to talk about how uneasy those extra pounds here and there make me feel when I had begun writing this post but eventually shifted my focus to whether losing weight should be one of the matters to be resolved on this New Year. Can I be any more lame? If yes, I would love that part of me to be explored as I get into writing my mind out onto the paper. Okay, typing it onto the screen!

The Weekend Blogger

Ah yes, of late I have decided I would turn into one of those.

I cant quite recall a Saturday or a Sunday night that I slept without lamenting over the day wasted over unimportant things. Moreover, its my mind that needs to be occupied with something to keep me sane and when I say something, I don’t really mean important things. So, cutting through the paradox and cutting it short further, I have decided to turn myself into a Weekend Blogger.

Over the past few months, life has been quite eventful. I am almost half a year into office life. I miss college a little less and I have been making efforts to give my life a futuristic outlook rather than being a dweller of the past. Well, now that I have mentioned of ‘the past’, I cant really resist talking about it. No, I don’t mean to ransack the long buried memories or anything but just, you know, talk about how the year has been.

Apart from graduating and starting up with office and stuff, there has been another development that I would have otherwise called to be premature to happen in my life. When the Bear and me broke up last year, I knew I was not falling for a guy anytime soon. It wasn’t one of those devastating aftermaths of separation that I  didn’t want to date anybody but just that I didn’t believe I could give up my long desired peace of mind that I had lost in the clutter of my last relationship. And also, my expectations from a guy had soared up high enough that only a laboratory generated human male could meet them. However, but, the cupid struck again and I could not keep myself from falling for this guy.

It wasn’t the number of expectations he met that qualified him to be ‘the’ guy. What pulled me towards him was how he surprised me each time he showed a part of him that I had never expected I could connect with but could only find myself asking for more. It wasn’t the charm that spellbound me but the mere fact that he was mostly about everything I had kept outside my wishlist and still held the  potential to draw me closer to him. It was about exploring myself as I sought to delve into his personality deeper and deeper. It wasn’t about knowing him, it was about knowing myself. Each day, I broke one more shell I had created around me and grew closer to breaking free from the clutches of monotony and obstinacy that had suffocated me for so long.

So, life, as I mentioned, has taken quite a different turn this year. Its like I have been given a chance to make amends and start things afresh. A chance to unload the luggage I have been carrying for so many years and enrich my life with everything good, the way I had always wanted it to be. And I, for sure, am not missing it this time.